hmm it just struck me today that it's been 5 years already.
which actually is a very long time. and quite a large part of my life actually.
but doesn't seem that long though. seems like all these 5 years just flew past.
and now it's march already - looking back jan and feb are just a blur and now time is running by faster than ever [why?!] and before I know it I'll be out of school.
so the feeling that I'm getting now is like when you're at the last chapter of a very long novel and there's only a few pages left and you know it's almost the end and you're trying to read as slowly as possible to make the novel / plot last just a little bit longer. but then as always it's never long enough.
or you're in a movie and most of the action is past and you know it's going to end but you don't want it to - but then it does.
blah. only 8 more months. can't quite believe it now - it feels kinda surreal that I've spent 5 years in RI already; that it's almost over and most of it's already behind me and there's so little time left.
and I'm almost 18 already.
plus I'm feeling more tired / worn-out [read: old] than I ever did - that I no longer have as much energy [?] as I used to a few years back, that now I can't do as much as I did back then. so it's like I'm having less drive / interest / willpower? to do things now. and also I'm not doing as much as I used to do. but at the same time feeling more exhausted than I ever did / used to be.
basically just weary.
and perhaps apathetic. but then apathetic doesn't quite capture the whole idea of things. bah. tired I guess. and worn-out.
and also perhaps this feeling that well the best times / years are already past and what's left is just [can't get the word here] - well you know what I mean. just the remnants / shreds of the past. or whatever.
and no rest for me until t2w3 earliest [i.e. after chemO selection test]. or after gc on 2nd april. or maybe in may after geopol's done [yeah that one's causing me undue stress as well cos really I doubt I'll get a distinction or whatever]. or maybe after prelims. or after my uni apps are done.
you get the idea.
feel kinda stretched; stretched thin.
and yet at the same time I'm not as overcommitted as I was in '09 or '10.
but not exactly burnt out.
yet.
and somehow I found 3 hours today to watch the two towers in the SFL.
and almost done reading return of the king [for the 3rd time already].
oops.
yeah so
but yeah at the same time things are going by way too quickly - to use a very clichéd metaphor it feels like what's left of this year is like sand slipping out of your hands.
meh.
[oh and LOTR makes me rather emo and introspective so that kinda accounts for some of the writing in this post. lol.]
