hmm seems like I'm the only one in class who still blogs.
spent the whole of today doing nothing. as usual.
even though there's so much that I should be doing / so many books just waiting to be read. and most of them need to be read. like for chem and H3 and all that. argh.
just re-skinned the blog. when I should have been doing work.
argh whatever.
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A level results came out yesterday.
a reminder, in a sense, of how much [or rather how little] time we have left before it's our turn; of what's just around the corner this november.
yep we're next in line. and march 2011 doesn't seem very far away now.
also we seem to do better every year.
so of course the next question is - can we deliver?
and that one I'm not too sure. I just don't feel good enough - get this feeling that I'll mess up something (be it GP or PW). and of course I doubt I'll get 8 distinctions let alone 7 (thanks to chinese + h3. seriously a research project with kamal or even graph theory looks like a better choice now).
but then again does it matter if I mess up - 1. there's always others to take my place and 2. well there's always backups right. I still haven't really decided what I want to do with my life. and I guess well yeah I'd be slightly disappointed at first [ok who am I kidding] but then I'll settle into something else and be content there. as is what usually happens. and seriously wouldn't mind teaching [in RI / RJ of course] if it comes to that. lol.
if I mess up As / the rest of this year / scholarship and uni apps and all that - which is after all rather [highly] possible, especially for the last one - would it be a case of wasted talent? or does it not matter - if you happen to screw up then so be it. I'm inclined towards the latter right now.
I seem to have this total lack of ambition / be too easily contented and accept things as they are / not really bother or care about these things. but then again is all that a bad thing?
I dunno. maybe things are just meant to be this way.
whatever. we'll see when we get there [which isn't very far away actually. oops].
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bah really felt like doing something today. like had quite a bit of excess energy in the system. but then all the reading seemed too dry and boring. and couldn't think of anything else to distract myself with [usually would have a project of some sort to work on - be it creating something for RC or coming up with stuff for the GC kids - but strangely nothing today].
and of course this portends badly for tomorrow afternoon.
maybe I'll start on chem. or that irritating h3 project.
but somehow I doubt it.
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was wondering again - what kind of person am I?
or rather: how do people see me / what am I to others?
have I managed to make a difference / some semblance of an impact on others or am I just known for say chem and igeo and all that and that's it?
as this part of my life draws to a close and I look back - what do I see?
I've left quite a bit of myself behind [or so I think] but I don't know how much of that has been felt. hmm.
did I matter?
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blah as you can see I've been very introspective / emo (?) these days. and a lot more tired and whatnot.
I'm so getting old.
urgh.
or maybe it's just this realisation that time's running out and my time's almost over now - there's not much left to do except mug for As. and move on. and I'm not yet ready to / I don't want to move on? urgh this sense inertia is irritating.
nailed it?
nah there's also something else. that I can't seem to lay a finger on.
nevermind maybe it'll appear in another post.
nb. and reading fantasy and whatnot (i.e. LOTR) isn't helping one bit. as in a sense it's a means of escape from the real world [which I so don't want to face up to at this time]. and not to mention a very powerful distraction. oops.
